Back to School- How Do I Do This?

Right now I am seriously missing my friends who have gone through what I am facing. Now, I know this is meant to happen, but boy is it hard. I knew this year would be a tough one for me, so last year I made plans to make it easier. Last year I helped host a back to school brunch for moms, hoping to start a yearly tradition, forcing me to be brave this year. After Nate and Moya hopped out of the mini van on the first day of school last year, I smiled and waved, being brave for them. As I drove down the driveway the tears started. I balled the whole way home. I called Jason, trying to get some insight on why I was so crazy. (Not even he is that smart. He just let me blubber.) I had a 5th and 3rd grader. I should have been OK, but it took some time to pull it together. I had breakfast quiche to finish and other treats to bake. It kept my mind off missing them and I made it through.

This year I knew would be even tougher. I warned Jason that he would need to take time off work for the first day of school. My baby is headed off to Kindergarten, and to add insult to injury, Tennessee schools have 6th graders go to middle school. I had planned on facing that change one year later, and having one year with all my kids at one school. How could they do this I ask? I feel that my heart is breaking in three different directions.

Middle School

It is a word that sends fear into the hearts of the most brave. Not many people I know remember those years too fondly. It is when kids change from playing toys and being little kids into big kids and having a bigger world view. Life become less central around the family and neighborhood friends. New views, new ideas, and new hormones. Poor kid. When I think of Nate heading off to Junior high, this is what I see:

I don't know that Nate would appreciate me saying so, but he is a sweet boy. Has always had a tender heart and no brothers to wrestle with and toughen him up. I worry so much for him. I hope that his tender heart will not be trampled by bully boys. I'd love to protect him from the heart breaks that come from unrequieted crushes. He is my first baby, the one that changed the world for me. He is the sweet baby that showed my heart a love that I had never imagined. He changed my view as what I wanted in life. No longer thinking about what was best for me or my family, but I changed to want to battle the world and make it a better and safer world for him. People warned me that having a baby would change things, I did not understand just how much. Now I send him off praying that he will be safe, have friends, and be happy and my heart breaks a little.

Miss Moya

My sweet middle child. The move has been the hardest for her. She was so lucky in Arizona. She had the MOST wonderful 2nd and 3rh grade teachers. When you look back to your favorite teachers, roll up all their best qualities and that is what Moya had. These ladies are so great, I didn't mind sharing my sweet girl with them. They truly were the best of the best. They are great educators, but the also love their kids. Moya blossomed in their classrooms. She was safe, loved, and nurtured. She also had a friend to do it all with. I loved this little girl because she loved Moya. Her family was great, I knew Moya was safe and cared for in their home. They were two peas in a pod. I think it is rare for kids to have such a strong friendship at such a young age. But they really were cute to see. Moya's new class was hard for her. They had already found their little buddies and she felt like the odd man out. Her teacher was also very different from what she had in the past. A great teacher, but she just never bonded. Now my girl who loved school, is terrified. Its never easy being lonely. I do feel that the counselor at our new school is aware of the situation and is looking out for her. I hope that this new year is better. And my heart breaks a little more as I see her nerves and worry hide this sweet little girl's potential and I pray that this will change. Because who wouldn't want to be friends with the girl whose sweet love and patience can tame the wild cat to be the sweetest pet ever. Just look at this face:

Kindergarten

Katie is by far the most ready for kindergarten ever. Last spring when she turned five, she was not happy when she did not get to start school that day. She was ready to go. She did not get the concept of starting in the fall. She was five, she was ready , what was the problem here? We worked things out, but I don't think she was all that happy with us. A few weeks later she got a tour of the school with the school's counselor. Katie was in love. Every day at parent pick-up and drop off she was looking for Ms. K. She brought her pictures, crafts, and hugs. Ms. K made a big deal every time she saw her and told her that the kindergarten teachers would be fighting her to get to have her. She told Katie that the teacher would have to flip a coin to see who would be lucky enough to get her. So all summer when people ask her if she is excited about kindergarten, she answers that she is and that "the teachers are flipping coins." She gets many puzzled looks about the last statement. But I just smile. I am honestly happy for her. Kindergarten in fun! Great teachers who are usually with the cute little ones by choice. This time my heart breaks a little for the change in my life. No more little buddy to tag along with me. No little hand to hold in parking lots. And this little one was even fun to shop with. She would bring her little red shopping cart and help pick out groceries along the way. She loved to mark off the grocery list. She was even good to go clothes shopping with. She'd give an opinion about clothes I'd try one. Usually sending me laughing to change. I am no longer the mother of small children. I am a mother of all school kids in just four more days. How did this happen so fast? And of course there are the fears, will she make friends, will she be able to make it through a FULL day, will she eat her lunch? They wouldn't let her starve, right? Will she catch on to all the routines? Did I teach her enough? And how do I help her when I am not there? Motherhood really is letting your heart go walking around outside of you. Mine has split three ways and heads of into the great big world. My friends who have made it through, how do you survive? How do I do this? How quickly this changed into this!